Matt Testimony – Part 4

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(Part 4/11)

“You go into a period of really up-and-down days. Your down days are ‘Holy cow this isn’t what I thought it was. Everything that I thought, wasn’t what I thought it was. Maybe my judgment on things isn’t correct. Maybe my judgment on life isn’t correct. Maybe my judgment on myself isn’t correct. Maybe my judgment of others isn’t correct.’ You have days of that and you just spiral down. You go into woe is me, pity party, I’m the victim, blame others for a little bit, and repeat.

Then there are days you come out and go ‘Wow that was a sucky scenario, but from the outside it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. Ya it fell apart, but the world didn’t change, no one else really cared that much. No one is really thinking about it.’

You always think everyone else is also thinking about it. I just need to keep living my life and doing what God calls me to do and that’s just part of my story. God is going to use it and He’ll restore it and I’ll be okay, and everything will be okay, and it won’t be a big deal. You go through those days. At first, the days for the downward spiral are more than the days of being better. But eventually, as you talk to people, you get input, you go to counseling, as you make a focus to grow, those down-spiral-days become less, and you grow out of it. You see it all through Scripture, climbing through the pit of despair and realizing God has everything under control. Everything is going to be okay and I can trust You. I see a lot of people go into that spiral and they never get out of it. I think it’s because they don’t ask for help, they’re not vulnerable with where they’re at, they’re not asking people to support them. They’re not desiring to grow from it, they’re still blaming everyone, still the victim, still everyone else’s fault. You just have to look past all that and look at you can only control what’s going on with me, ‘How can I change and grow?’ As you begin making those steps you begin to realize it wasn’t that big of a deal, people aren’t that affected, no one really thinks about you that much. No one really cares that much.

When you go through a divorce like that, everyone has a say about everything. But they only care for as long as they’re talking to you, and then they go out and talk about something else. I mean, how often do I obsess about my friend’s divorce? But the person in the situation thinks that everyone is constantly talking about them.”